3) Women in beer

Recently, University scientists released the results of an analysis
that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that:

Beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and
that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory,
100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

(1) Gained weight.

(2) Talked excessively without making sense.

(3) Became overly emotional.

(4) Couldn't drive.

(5) Failed to think rationally.

(6) Argued over nothing.

(7) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

No further testing was considered necessary !!!

2) Women keeps promises

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of
his money.
He was a real miser when came to his money.
He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he
died, he said to his wife,
"Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it
in the casket with me.
I want to take my money to the afterlife."
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he
died,
she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died.
He was stretched out in the casket; the wife was sitting there in
black next to her closest friend.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got
ready to close the casket,
the wife said "wait just a minute!"
She had a shoe box with her; she came over with the box and placed it
in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that
money in the casket."
She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie.
I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with
him."
"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket
with him?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account and I wrote him a check."

1) Women are smart

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident;
it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly
neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars,
the woman says, "So you're a man.
That's interesting. I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left,
this must be a sign from God that we should meet
and be friends and live together in peace
for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied,
"Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!"


The woman continued, "And look at this,
here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but
this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine
to celebrate our good fortune."


Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement,
opens it and drinks half the bottle and then
hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the
cap back on, and hands it back to the man.


The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."


MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, manipulating creatures. Don't mess with them.